I am not surprised by my daughter’s competitive nature. We come from a long line of athletes, and when I was growing up, it was not uncommon for a full-blown brawl to come out of a simple game of Uno. So when Olivia screams, “I GET TO BE THE FIRST ONE!!!!” or states with a snarky smirk, “I win. Sorry," I chalk it up to genetics.
There is one foe, however, that she has not yet managed to best, much to her (and often my) frustration. No matter how hard she fights, this opponent always wins. This doesn’t stop her from fighting though. Her mortal enemy? Sleep. Each night Olivia ponders new tactics in the hopes that someday she will overcome him. While there are nights that I am angered by this battle, I find that most of the time I’m fascinated with the way she experiments. Each night there is a new attempt or a revamped approach. In her head, this battle is actually one she thinks she can win.
Here is a list of some of Olivia’s favorites. While she may not use each one every night, they are the most common in her repertoire.
Tactic #1: I’m hungry.
This one is not new or original. I’m sure every parent has heard this from a child who doesn’t want to go to bed, so it’s no shock that this was the first one she tried. Unfortunately, we initially gave in, so even though we have now imposed a “No Food After Teethbrushing” rule, it is still her most common preemptive strike.
Tactic #2: I’m scared.
When Olivia realizes that the kitchen is closed, she explains that she is afraid to fall asleep. I want to take this one seriously as I know that this is an age when a fear of what is lurking in the dark becomes very real. But here is the thing; she sleeps with a lamp on. Coincidentally, she is also afraid of picking up toys, throwing her garbage in the garbage can and cleaning her room. “I’m afraid,” essentially means, “I don’t want to.”
Tactic #3: I hurt.
“Mommy, my ankle hurts.”
The ankle is where it begins. I tell her I’m sorry it hurts and that it will feel better in the morning. At that point ankle turns to wrist, wrist to back, and back to entire body. If she thought she could convince me that the bed hurt too, I’m sure she would try.
Tactic #4: So, tell me about your day.
I would find this incredibly charming, if it weren’t one in a litany of stalling tactics.
“Mommy, why are you a teacher?”
“Mommy, you went to school?”
“Mommy, when is my birthday?”
“Mommy, how can I determine if my experience of consciousness is the same as everyone else’s?”
OK, so maybe not the last one, but each question she does ask is carefully chosen to engage me in conversation and make me forget what time it is.
Tactic #5: Penga needs some exercise.
This one comes later in the battle, after Olivia’s eyelids have become as heavy as bricks and I’m amazed she is still awake. Olivia now knows that she needs to pull out the heavy artillery. She has learned that if she can keep a part of her body moving, she will not fall asleep. This may mean a tapping foot or turning over and over and over again, but more often than not she will take her beloved stuffed penguin, “Penga” for a jog around the bed or for a climb up to the window sill.
Tactic #6: Seated Silent Protest (Beta)
Number six made its first appearance last night, and it might be the most aggravating one to date. It’s quite simple: sit up, clench your jaw, and refuse to lie down under any circumstances. The sitting up keeps sleep at bay, and the silence gives me nothing to which I can respond. I can tell her to lie down, only to be met with a noiseless, scowling mouth. (Did I mention my family is known for a pretty wicked stubborn streak as well?) The only thing I have going form me on this one is that it is incredibly boring. The three-year-old attention span doesn’t allow it to last forever.
Bedtime definitely keeps me on my toes. As Olivia is constantly looking for new ways to cheat sleep, I look for new ways to counter her attempts in the least tantrum-inducing way possible. However, I am not the foe here. Sleep is the foe, and a foe with only one tactic, completely shut down the body. Thankfully, it is one that works every time, even if it takes a while.
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